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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28303197">Trust and the truth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefense_of_AmyMarch/pseuds/indefense_of_AmyMarch'>indefense_of_AmyMarch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Society (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arranged Marriage, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Historical Inaccuracy, I don't own the society of any of these characters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, also don't own little women, low-key little women vibes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 12:08:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28303197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefense_of_AmyMarch/pseuds/indefense_of_AmyMarch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was wrong, it felt as though the land under Allie’s feet didn’t just shift, but in reality simply disappeared. She was alone. For the first time in her life, she was alone. No amount of jewels or sorrow looks could change that. Her sister was dead, and what she left behind was something almost as unbearable and certainly just as real. She was leaving Thame forever; everything she had ever known, and she couldn’t stop it. </p><p>And now she was married.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allie Pressman &amp; Cassandra Pressman, Allie Pressman &amp; Gareth "Grizz" Visser, Harry Bingham/Allie Pressman, Kelly Aldrich/Becca Gelb, Kelly Aldrich/Harry Bingham, Sam Eliot &amp; Allie Pressman, Sam Eliot &amp; Becca Gelb, Sam Eliot/Gareth "Grizz" Visser, Will LeClair/Allie Pressman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1<br/>
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, she wasn’t supposed to be carving a line through her sister’s name on the tree that was planted an eternity ago. She wasn’t supposed to be alone right now. She wasn’t supposed to be married. Not without her sister.<br/>
Everything was wrong, it felt as though the land under Allie’s feet didn’t just shift, but in reality simply disappeared. She was alone. For the first time in her life, she was alone. No amount of jewels or sorrow looks could change that. Her sister was dead, and what she left behind was something almost as unbearable and certainly just as real. She was leaving Thame forever; everything she had ever known, and she couldn’t stop it.<br/>
Cassandra was the eldest daughter of the King, she was the one who was supposed to be getting married first. The one who was supposed to have children and lead Thame until it was time for another heir to take her place. Instead she was in the ground, in the dress that was made for the coronation that would never happen. Laying covered in dirt and rocks and maggots, and here Allie was, leaving her to rot away.<br/>
The very thought made Allie’s stomach turn to stone, made her blood turn frozen. The tears that she had been shedding since she found her sister collapsed in her rooms barely breathing, simply ceased to exist. She had to do this, she had to do something right, she had to marry a man she didn’t know, didn’t love, and didn’t trust. She had to do this for Cassandra.<br/>
----------<br/>
Allie remembers a time in which she thought it to be absolutely absurd that Cassandra was the only one who was getting special treatment from their father. Surely Allie was just as capable to rule Thame as anyone. This was her home, these were her people, and it was in her blood. Allie also remembers a time in which she saw how little she could stomach the idea of ruling so many, of being in charge of so many people. She remembers when there was a shortage of harvests the summer when she was eight and Cassandra had just turned ten. She saw thousands of people enter the palace gates to beg her father for an extension on taxes. She saw mothers holding crying infants who were seeking milk that she could not produce. She saw families of ten simply hold each other's hands as if this could solve the issue. As though the torture of their empty bellies could be soothed by one another’s embrace.<br/>
Cassandra led her away when her father simply laughed in these people’s faces. She brought her to the garden farthest from town, she brought her to their place. Where, if they could, Allie and Cassandra would giggle and sit merely six feet away, their backs to the trees that had their names carved into them. They acted as though the monstrosity that they had just witnessed did not happen. As though their father looked at children not so different in age to his own daughters and told them they would either pay their taxes, or be thrown in jail.<br/>
Allie also remembers falling in love with a boy that she could never be with. She remembers falling for the idea of someone who could lead her to a life in which only a select few relied on her. She remembers the smell of fresh baked lavender bread with blood oranges and figs. She remembers the way that the corridor seemed to lighten the second the chef’s apprentice walked past her. She remembers him introducing himself to her when they were both just 13, her sitting in one of the gardens reading.<br/>
She also remembers how when she told him of her feelings four years later, he shook his head looked down and said, “That’s not fair”<br/>
When she asked in return; “Whatever do you mean? It’s the truth, I am in love with you Will”<br/>
By this statement the apprentice looked shaken, as though she had just told him he knew of a place where human beings floated in the air like butterflies. When he finally gained his composure he looked to the ground, and with a last ditch attempt admitted to Allie, “No matter what I say or do, I will be in the wrong. I can either lie or tell the truth but I will hurt you no matter what”<br/>
“I could tell my bestfriend that I do not have the same feelings for her as she does me, or me, a chef’s apprentice, could tell my princess that I was in love with her. I am damned no matter what Allie. We both are”<br/>
He started to turn to leave, but something in him made him stop and look back at the girl that he loved as a sister, took her hand, kissed it, and left with not so much as a farewell. It was indication enough. He was telling the truth, she was hurt, both in the fact that she could not be with the boy she loved because of her standing, but also because the boy she loved did not love her back.<br/>
---------------<br/>
When Allie was told of her up-and-coming nuptials, Cassandra was still alive.<br/>
Allie was alone under her tree in the west gardens, merely a week after telling Will her feelings, reading when she saw Cassandra walking towards her. The light wind in the end of summer was making it look as though Cassie was floating, her dress billowing out around her, her hair flowing behind her. The look on Cassandra’s face was one that hinted to something loathsome, Allie just did not know how severe this thing would be. By the time Cassandra made her way to Allie, Allie had set her book aside, using a flower that had blown her way from the east gardens, and was standing.<br/>
Cassandra started with, “There is something that I need to tell you. Something that I should have told you weeks ago”<br/>
The feeling of dread that took over Allie was something that is only spoken of in novels. Cassandra never kept secrets from Allie unless she thought the truth may be too heavy for her to bear, this was, apparently, one of those things.<br/>
Allie nodded after a short time, knowing that by this movement Cassandra would continue.<br/>
Cassie did, “A few months ago I heard father and mother speaking to each other. Really they were arguing, mother was crying, father was acting like his usual self. But the thing that made me stop and really try to listen was the fact that they were talking about you. Allie, they were talking about your marriage. As though the future was no longer separated from us, but closer than the next step we were to take” she paused. “Allie I didn’t know really what they were speaking about until I heard at one of Father and my meetings a letter coming from one of the Kings father was acquainted with. The letter was addressed to him and mother, but when I pressed, father simply looked me over and acted as though it were common knowledge that you were to be married by the end of autumn. I was so shocked that I had no idea how to tell you. It makes no sense I know, for I am your older sister, but since I am to rule Thame father tells me he must be selective” she paused again.<br/>
Allie felt as though the air had been stolen from her lungs, her vision was blurring as Cassandra continued on, “How long?” she interrupted the silence.<br/>
“What do you mean, Allie? How long what?” Cassandra asked.<br/>
“How long have you been keeping this from me? How long have you known that I was to be married before I had even turned eighteen” Allie pressed more.<br/>
“I heard mother and father speaking only three months ago, but the letter arrived before you told the apprentice of your feelings. Allie you were so excited and in love I couldn’t simply steal that from you. I couldn’t. . .” Cassandra had started to flail about now, trying to grasp at any semblance of trust and reason the two sisters had together.<br/>
Allie interrupted, “Stop.”<br/>
“Allie, please it was not my” Cassandra stopped by the look Allie gave her.<br/>
“I need a moment” Allie looked past Cassandra and began to turn away from her sister.<br/>
“Allie, you must understand that I did not want to hurt you” Cassie looked at Allie with eyes filled with regret and fear.<br/>
Allie started to walk away but then stopped shortly after passing her sister, “It seems as though the preservation of my feelings has led to more pain. Cassandra I know my place, but you should learn yours. You had no right to keep this from me, and now I must go talk to Father about my marriage that I supposed to happen in only a few short months, to a man that I don’t even know the name of” with that Allie walked to the palace. Leaving her sister staring at the tree with her name carved into it.<br/>
----------------<br/>
Allie walked to her father’s library, any semblance of control of her anger leaving the moment one of the guards told her that her father was in a meeting. The look on her face must have shown enough wrath and anger that the guard opened the door for her.<br/>
Her father looked at her with question before she went straight to him and slapped him across the face. The shock of what she had just done seemingly gave him enough of a push to be able to stand up and look at her with anger she knew she would have to answer to. But at that moment, Allie simply did not care, her father was going to answer her questions. He would have to explain his utter indifference to her happiness. Instead of allowing her father to gather himself, Allie pounced.<br/>
“How dare you?”Allie was seeing red. “How dare you keep something of this big consequence from me? Although you seem to think that I am inept to run a kingdom, I still have a right to run my life” she couldn’t stop. “Did you think that telling me the day before I would be married would be wise? Did you seriously think that this would not hold enough of a weight on my life, or my soul? How dare you look at me knowing you were keeping something of this importance from me” she stopped herself when she saw out of the corner of her eye movement.<br/>
When she turned her head she realized her mistake by ignoring that guard’s warning. Two men, seemingly father and son were looking at her with both concern, shock, and if Allie looked hard enough, amusement. The humiliation of what she had just done seemed to dawn on her the exact moment it had on her father. She stood her ground, she was not going to be embarrassed by her outburst, no matter what extent it was at. She was not going to let him take anything else from her. She turned back to her father, “Well? What do you have to say for yourself? Or are you too embarrassed and proud to look at these men and myself and explain your utter indifference to your own daughter?” It felt as though the anger and resentment Allie had been holding within herself her whole life towards her father was coming out at once.<br/>
When she was satisfied with the anger and humiliation shown on her father’s face, along with a red mark where her hand had met his skin, Allie turned again to her father’s guests. She bowed, and excused herself before she looked again at her father. Let him explain his reasoning to these men. Allow him to show his feelings for his youngest daughter, allow him to reveal himself, for once she was able to control something no one else could, and damn anyone who tried to stop her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Allie left her father stammering for an explanation for the two men who had just witnessed his own daughter strike him, Allie started for the stables. Cassandra was no doubt looking for Allie in her rooms, or in the same spot she left her in. <br/>	When she finally got to the stables, Allie realized with disbelief, her cousin was walking his own horses into the stables. She started running towards him. <br/>	Sam and Allie had a friendship that was not matched by anything she has seen within her family. Sam finally saw Allie and smiled before he saw the betrayal and fear and anger on her face. Had he known? Is that why he was here? Was he here to go and deliver her to her future husband? <br/>	The questions that had started to form in her head halted when Sam let go of the reins and held out his arms for his beloved cousin. He would have told her, he would have sent word. He wouldn’t hide something of this importance from her. He trusted her with her own life, just as she trusted him with his.<br/>-------------<br/>	“So you're telling me that your father, mother, and Cassandra knew about this and decided that you did not need to know?” Sam spoke as he signed to her, the two of them sitting in a clearing only a short ride away from the stables, their horses grazing the tall grass. He had come immediately when her uncle had told him. <br/>	“It seems as though the information was made for people of importance” Allie retorted sarcastically. “I mean why would the woman who is getting married need to know she is getting married? Why would she need to know that?” Allie’s voice broke and looked away from Sam. <br/>	Sam looked at Allie and took her hand in his. He could sense that she no longer wanted to speak about this, what she needed was someone who would listen (even if he was deaf), and not ask questions, interrupt, or put in their own reasons. She needed someone to be with her. <br/>	Hours went by as the tension between Allie’s shoulders dissipated and instead slumped, as though the young seventeen year old had just come back from a long journey. <br/>	The sun was beginning to set, and although she felt sick to her stomach, she wanted to go back home and see what her family had to say for themselves. As though sensing this, Sam tightened his grip on her hand and let go, getting up, then took her hand again and helped her up as well. <br/>	They set off without a word, comforting looks between the two being the only reassurance that she was not alone in her thoughts of the injustice of these circumstances. She had a right to know, but they took that away from her. They took away her choices and now act as though it is her fault. <br/>----------------<br/>It was well past the dinner bell by the time Allie and Sam made their way back to the palace, each step closer felt like someone was clutching her throat, suffocating her, but she continued on. As they walked back into the palace, and made their way to the formal dining room, Allie heard a myriad of voices and laughter coming from the other side of the door, and halted. Perhaps the guests of her father were staying for supper, no doubt expecting an apology of her outburst from earlier. Allie looked at Sam for reassurance and stepped into the dining room with her head held high. <br/>It was not until after her father heard her clear her throat that the rest of the room realized her presence. They all raised from their seats, as though to acknowledge herself and Sam before quickly sitting back down again. Allie did not sit down, but simply nodded to the room and looked at her father expectantly. <br/>“Alexandra, why don’t you take a seat” her mother stated in place of her father. <br/>She made a start for her regular seat, and noticed the young man from earlier sitting across from her. She didn’t realize it before, blind in her rage, but she recognized him from the many balls and other gatherings when she was younger. Though now that she was paying attention, she didn’t just know him, but she remembers him. When they were children, anytime he and Cassandra were near each other they practically ripped each other’s throats out. She nodded in his direction before taking her seat. What was his name? The silence in the room seemed to fill to the brim before her father finally started speaking. <br/>“We were waiting for you Alexandra, for your dear cousins and aunt and uncle came from the north. Along with our company we found it to be vital to wait for you to be here for this splendid meal” his voice was tight, becoming more and more thin as he went on. Vital. Had he said vital, or simply did not want to embarrass himself anymore that he already had in front of the visitors. <br/>As the meal began to be brought in, she caught a glimpse of the boy she once loved, in times like this, he and their Chef stood in the corner, making sure that everything is of the top notch quality that is to be expected from the king’s kitchen staff. It was only when she made eye contact with Will that she looked around the room, or, more accurately, the table. The two men who had been in the library before were at the table as well, along with her mother and sister. But what was most peculiar to her was that a woman that looked to be around the same age as her own mother sat across from the elder man, a young girl sitting between him and his son. Surely her father would not try to explain himself in front of all of these people, surely he would not try to guilt her into apologizing. <br/>The moment it dawned on her the reason that she was vital to the meal was too late, with horror she looked across the table to the young man, or more accurately, her future husband, and looked back at her father. Before she was able to get his attention, he stood. “As we take this meal given to us so graciously from God and from our dear kitchen staff, there is a reason why we have asked our kitchen staff to make such a splendid dinner for us” he raised his wine glass. “Although Alexandra has just been made aware of these exciting arrangements, I expect she is very happy to be entering these next stages of her life, very happy to serve her country in this way” she felt as though she might throw up. <br/>Allie looked across the table from her, no longer being able to look at her father any longer, and made eye contact with her fiance. She took notice of his dark features, much like his father, and saw the apology in his eyes. He looked so different yet so similar the way he had when he was younger. What was his name?<br/>When she heard her name she startled, as did the young man, “Alexandra. Alexandra my dear, this is the Eilwhine royal family of Bingham” Her legs were trembling as her father continued, “Harrison, as I am sure you know, is the crown prince. And your fiance”. She looked at Harrison, and nodded, she was not going to make this any harder for her than it was already. He smirked, not unkindly, and nodded to her as well. Harrison, his name was Harrison. <br/>-------------<br/>	When they had finished dinner, her mother insisted on Sam and Cassandra chaperoning herself and Harrison, and as she was led out of the room she could sense Will’s eyes looking at her. A look of question, and confusion, but most of all, pity. <br/>	The moment the doors behind them closed, Cassandra and Sam began walking away, no doubt allowing Allie and Harrison to have a moment to introduce themselves properly to one another. <br/>	“I would like to apologize formally for my behavior earlier. I was simply taken off guard by this news, and was very angry, but that gives me no,” Allie started, but Harrison held up his hand to ask her to stop. <br/>	“Oh Alexandra, please you have no need to apologize for earlier. If I had been told a month before I was to be married, what was happening, I believe that I would have a similar reaction” Harrison reassured her. “If anything I appreciated the way you held yourself in the library and at dinner, I don’t suppose that I could have done what you did” he exclaimed. <br/>	Allie was gaping at him, for she had never met a man who not only accepted her acting out of bounds, but appreciated her behavior. <br/>	“I suppose that perhaps we could start again, in a different light that we have” Harrison was looking down at her, she had not realized that he was nearly an entire head taller than her. “Although my name is Harrison, I much prefer to be called Harry, but due to the fact that we are to be married, you may call me whatever you would like” he smiled down at her holding out his hand.<br/>	Allie finally became unfrozen and took his hand in hers, “It is truly good to meet you Harry, and although my name is formally Alexandra, you may call me Allie, but as we are to be married, you may call me anything that would make you happy” Harry’s smile brightened at this and kissed her hand. <br/>-----------------<br/>	Harry and his family were to stay until the wedding, trying to create a bond between the two as much as possible. The first two days, Harry and Allie only saw each other in passing and at meals. She felt like the palace was suffocating her everytime she was there. She felt like her father was expecting an apology from her, but little did he know, this was not going to happen. She went back to her tree three days after meeting Harry, bringing a new book to read. She needed somewhere to be alone, she needed to be able to process everything without her ladies surrounding her constantly with questions about her up and coming wedding, and fittings for her wedding dress. She still was not sure what color she would choose, she wasn’t sure about anything. She felt rather than saw her sister walking towards her with purpose, a look of conviction and anger on her face. Allie continued reading her book even as Cassandra was a mere step away from her. <br/>	Cassie started with, “Why won’t you even look at me anymore Allie, I understand that you are angry with me, I do, but we only have so much time to be together before the wedding, do you really want to spend these few weeks together like that?” She said this as though it was so ridiculous that Allie would be angry at her sister, as though this was so childish of her. <br/>	Allie finally looked back up to her sister, “You still don’t understand do you? You either refuse to see yourself in the wrong, or refuse to understand and acknowledge the utter betrayal you have displayed” Cassandra looked down, bewildered. “I am not angry at the fact that I am getting married and you knew about this before I did, I am angry because you knew for longer than you will even admit. I am angry because in the one chance in which I could have some semblance of control over my life, you decided that I did not deserve it. You took that from me, and yet you have the nerve to look at me as though I am crazy to be angry at you and father? You act as though I have been in the wrong, as though I have harmed you, but in reality the only one who has hurt the other has been you” the truth made Cassandra have to look away. She still did not see the truth.<br/>	“Cassandra, I have been second to you my whole life, in everything. To father, to mother, even to you I have not been a match, and I will not accept the fact that I was an afterthought in my future simply because you wanted to spare my feelings. I cannot do it. Not when I have been an afterthought my entire life.” Allie wanted her sister to understand why this stung so bad. “I have compared myself to you, to Sam, to Cambell, even to Alfred. I have been in last place compared to my twin brother, and yet, you still refuse to understand that I am not angry, but heartbroken. You had one chance to show me that I was more than just an afterthought and you, you Cassandra alone, made the decision that I was no one of importance. That is why I am angry. Because in any chance where you can prove to me that I mean something, you make an effort to make me feel less than nothing” Allie felt as though she had let out the breath she had been holding in.<br/>	She was standing now, her hands balled up into fists, and she was crying. Cassandra looked at her sister as though she had grown two heads. As though she had never seen this girl before, but perhaps she wasn’t in the wrong about that, she had not met this Allie, for this Allie was the one who was ignored by her parents and kingdom. This was the Allie that was hidden under the cover of the trees, the Allie that rode horseback and read books that simply could never happen to a girl like her. This was who Allie was, anger, sadness, remorse, fear, all balled up into one person. She was a person of consequence, and damn anyone who decided that she wasn’t. <br/>	Allie began to walk away, but not before picking up her book and fixing her skirt. She may feel as though she had been ripped apart from the inside out, but she certainly did not need to look that way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 3<br/>	The next week Allie decided she did not want to go to the west garden, but instead decided to go to the stables once again. Perhaps she could go riding alone, and if she played her cards right, she could leave without anyone noticing her absence. <br/>	That plan went out the window when, at dawn, she left her rooms. Dark as it was, the riding pants that she had on allowed Allie to move more swiftly than if she were in a dress. She was not going to be interrupted by her father asking her questions about where she was going. She didn’t care, if she was of no importance, then she would make sure to use that to her advantage. That is, until she ran into Harry. He looked just as put together as normal, riding pants on and a book in hand. No doubt it was a site to see; two royal heirs nose to nose as they held books and wore pants much too similar to be appropriate. <br/>	She looked down at her pants realizing too late that this must not be something Harry was used to seeing. When she looked back up to him he was just smiling at her, almost in approval. <br/>	“What are you doing awake at this hour?”Allie asked.<br/>	“I could ask the same of you, princess” Harry replied. He looked amused by her question, and the fact that she was wearing pants. How odd they must have looked. <br/>	“I am someone who rises early, I am not very good at staying inside, especially when I could be reading or riding or really anything else” This was something that was not hidden within the palace, Allie always preferred to be separate, simply doing things that may not have been the most proper. <br/>	Harry did not seem to mind, smirking instead, “I am much the same way. I don’t like to be in one place for too long, and with the abundance of new things for me to see while I am here, I find it to be vital to be as curious as possible. I was planning on taking a ride through the gardens and through the paths today” Mischief gleamed in his eyes. <br/>	Allie smiled at this, she had never met anyone who seemed to take as much pleasure as she did in being able to have a small freedom like riding the grounds. “I was planning on doing the same, though I don’t know if it would be proper for us to leave without a chaperone” Allie’s voice drenched in sarchasm. <br/>	“I suppose no one can be angry with us if we simply ran into one another while we were both on rides, for it was not planned” Harry said this with a swift glance down her body.<br/>	She stepped back, “I suppose not” Allie smiled then, looked down again at her wardrobe, and blushed. No one had ever looked at her like that, with mild intrigue yet entirely guarded.<br/>	“Perhaps I should tell you, you look quite beautiful this morning. I always found it odd that men had the luxury to wear pants, yet women have to wear what men tell them to” Harry said. This man was not at all the dutiful prince she had been led to believe he was.<br/>	Allie was blushing even more now, “I do think that that is quite odd” Allie started, “and thank you, you look quite dashing yourself”. Harry simply looked over her face, and smirked. <br/>	“Would you like to go on a ride by yourself and mysteriously run into me while out and about?” the mischief was back in his eyes now. <br/>	“I suppose no one would blame us for being on horseback at the same time”<br/>	“Then I suppose we should both be off on our way”<br/>Not the dutiful prince at all. <br/>----------------<br/>	By the time Harry and Allie made their way to the stables, the sun had finally risen, illuminating the grounds as though the dew on the grass and trees were really candles. Each flickering as though they were rearing the end of the wick. <br/>	Harry was quiet most of the way there, looking over at her on occasion. He was not like anyone she had ever met. He was cocky, opinionated, and quite frankly, not at all the gentlemen that a prince ought to be. Perhaps that’s why she leaned in more to conversation. For all she could tell, Harry seemed to appreciate her for the small amounts of character she had shown him. He didn’t care about the fact that she was wearing pants or that she was outspoken, it seemed as though he actually appreciated her candidness. <br/>	“I’m sorry that you only found out a few days ago” Harry said when they finally arrived right outside of the stables. “I feel as though perhaps your first impression of me was tainted by the fact that you did not know” she went to go stand in front of him.<br/>	“Oh please, you had nothing to do with the lack of consideration on my family’s part, if anything you have made the entire situation a little better”<br/>	“I still don’t understand how they could have kept this from you. I’m very sorry Allie”<br/>	“Since I was born things like this have happened too many times for me to even count. I had no idea that I wasn’t even able to become queen until I turned ten, and even then the person who told me was my cousin” she was still angry at being kept in the dark about these things. That her life and her future was not even open to discussion with her. <br/>	Harry was looking down now, making sure to avoid eye contact with her all together, “I don’t suppose you would like to hear this, but there may be a possibility that your ignorance could be a blessing,”<br/>	“And what do you suppose that blessing could be, Prince?” Allie said, smirking at Harry.<br/>	“It has allowed you to be absolutely stunned by my beauty and other, countless admirable personality traits” Harry smirked down at her, face leaning down to be closer toward hers, “Princess”<br/>	“Oh yes, I suppose you would love to hear me say that before I met you my days were filled with anticipating dark clouds and now my life is filled with the bright light that is you” Allie nudged him with her shoulder, finally arriving at the stables. <br/>	Harry just huffed out a laugh, “Women have told me beautiful remarks about how I lifted their spirits by simply taking in a breath,” he nudged her with his shoulder, “but never with such a bite.”<br/>“Oh I may bargain that the multitude of ladies singing their approval of your existence has indeed made the ego of a prince such as yourself grow into a monstrous being”<br/>“You have no idea princess” Harry said, looking at her up and down again, as though assessing her,<br/>“What else do you do in your freetime, or do you show up to all of the unassuming women’s palace’s and try to woo them?” what can she say, she was going to marry this man, she may as well get to know him better.<br/>	“Some men from our court joust, as do I, but I much prefer talking to beautiful unassuming women” at this, Allie looked away, two horses now ready to be mounted. “I also enjoy spending time with my sister, her ladies are not the same age as her, so I believe she is lonely in some ways, not having much children at the palace and all”<br/>	“She has you, that’s something” Allie was mounted, looking down at Harry from the top of her mare, “and I’m sure spending time with her older brother allows her to be around as many childish things as she would if your court had more children running around”<br/>	Harry mounted atop of his steed, “Oh, there is no doubt” he smiled at her, he seemed to do<br/>that a lot. <br/>“Would you like to coincidentally go on a ride to the same clearing at the same time?”<br/>“It would be my pleasure princess”<br/>----------------<br/>	“I hope you don’t mind, I’ve taken you to one of my favorite spots” Allie looked over at Harry, they were walking with their horses’ reigns beside them. “We call it the west gardens, but in reality it is like our own forest” he was looking around the garden’s now. “They are all willow trees, but when a new child is brought into the world by the monarch, their spouse and them carve the name of the child into a tree. It has always been my favorite spot, it always smells so beautiful and fresh, and it is quite a tranquil, quiet spot. Perfect for reading”<br/>	Harry was still inspecting the trees from afar, “If you don’t like it I am sure that we can go on a stroll of the east gardens, those have many flowers among the trails, or perhaps” Harry looked at her then, smiling. <br/>	“You’re right, it is a tranquil spot. I can see why it is your favorite” Harry began to inspect the willows more closely, “Which one has your name on it?” He wanted to see it for himself. <br/>	“Mine? You’d like to see my tree?” <br/>	“Of course, you said it yourself, it is perfect for reading”<br/>	“Well, I suppose I can take you, but only if you tell me what book you are reading”<br/>“I would love nothing more than to speak to the princess Alexandra Pressman about books under a tree that has her name carved into it”<br/>She truly had never met anyone as peculiar as Harry, never met anyone as unconventional as he was. He was someone who was a spirit much like her own.<br/>--------------------<br/>They were seated under her tree. When Harry saw if for the first time, he stood astonished, for this tree was nearly twenty feet high and four feet wide, he giggled to himself. This man that Allie was going to be married to in just a few weeks giggled. <br/>She turned her head toward him, “What is so spectacularly funny, Prince?”<br/>He did not look away from the tree, but stopped laughing to answer, “Of all of the hundreds of trees, I simply find it very fitting that this is the one with your name carved into it. <br/>“What do you mean?” no one ever seemed to care that her tree was by far the largest and most blossoming tree in the garden.<br/>“I mean that, just like you, even if at times this tree has been shaded or neglected in any way, it is still the most beautiful out of the entire garden” he was looking at her now.<br/>“You really are trying to woo an unassuming girl, aren’t you Prince?” Allie said, “for sure you have learned in the past few days that, perhaps, flattery is not the way to get me to like you” Harry smiled at this. <br/>“Perhaps I have, but I do believe that sometimes wooing is the first thing to do. Would you like to sit princess?” He was leaning against her tree now, staring at her name. <br/>“Only if you do prince” they eyed each other before lowering themselves to the ground. <br/>--------------------<br/>“I did not” Allie was snorting as her and Harry finally sat their books down to talk.<br/>“You absolutely did, I remember you smacked him upside the head” the two did not start speaking until Harry interrupted the silence to ask her a question. “You were probably ten, your hair was just as curly as it is now, but it was untamed, like you wouldn’t let your ladies comb through it. And oh my lord, you were so angry at Cambell!”<br/>“I did not hit him though, I would remember such a thing. Especially at a ball like that -  my father would have been so angry at me” they were both laughing now. “I was such a weird kid,” Allie said, defeated. <br/>“No! You were not. You were” he stammered, “peculiar a-and intense”<br/>Allie stilled at this, looking up at her own tree “Well I cannot take responsibility for anything I did when I was little now can I?” <br/>“No, I don’t think you can,” he laughed. Their laughing stilled, turning into light smiles. <br/>“So, Harrison, what about you? Any fun stories that I could hear, or are we just going to discuss myself?”<br/>“Oh, I have many stories, but I like poking fun at you, and of course it never hurt anyone to learn more about their fiance,” he was looking up at the sky now too.<br/>“Okay, well how about this. If you are so intent on learning more about me, we can ask each other questions, but only if we answer each other truthfully” Allie stood now, hand on either of her hips, looking down at Harry. <br/>“You will answer any question truthfully, no matter how embarrassing?”<br/>“No matter how embarrassing”<br/>“Well then, let’s begin princess. Something easy,”<br/>“Mmmmm, I’m debating whether to ask you something that could be embarrassing, or something light,” Allie said joking, “How about,” she paused, “what is your favorite color  Prince?”<br/>“Oh no, that’s too embarrassing, try something lighter Princess” Harry said, smirking. <br/>“Seriously, if we are to be married I would very much like knowing my new husband’s favorite color, so tell me,”<br/>“You and your sister are very much two of a kind, so stubborn” Harry said laughing, “As you wish, Princess. Blue. But not something artificial. The kind of blue that only happens when the sun has finally gone over the horizon and the stars are able to shine brightly. Where the moon and the stars are the sources of light,” he said looking down. “Now, it is only fair that I should know the favorite color of my future wife,”<br/>“Green. But the green that is only found in the trees and the forest. The color of the pine trees in the middle of winter when they are the only color outside. That green.” Allie said looking around at her willow. “And you are correct in the sentiment that my sister and I both are very stubborn. I do not back away easily Harrison”<br/>Harry was smiling at her, not in amusement, but in understanding. <br/>“What?” She asked. <br/>“Can I ask you something now, something that is much more serious?” he seemed nervous. <br/>“I suppose” Allie turned towards him now, giving him the indication that he had her full attention. <br/>“Why don’t you allow anyone to see you as anything more than a shadow?” Allie’s brows furrowed.<br/>She looked away from Harry, looking back at her tree, “Perhaps you do not know this yet Harry. Which I do not blame you for. But that is what I am. I am just a shadow, my sister is perfect. Our own mother would say that I am second to my sister. That is what I am” she cleared her throat, “Perhaps we shall start back towards the gardens, we would not want to arouse any scandal”<br/>She stood, looking down at Harry who, finally, looked back from where he was staring intently at the sky, and stood as well. Both starting towards their horses. But before they could reach them, Harry reached for Allie’s wrist, leaning towards her ear, his hot breath blowing softly against the shell as he said “You may be second to the others, but if anyone were to ask me, you  would not be the shadow. You are not second in my eyes Allie” <br/>With that he let go of her, mounting onto his steed and merely looked back at her, waiting until she was secured on her own horse to say, smirk on his lips, “Would you like to race, Princess?”<br/>He didn’t let her answer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey! Sorry I have been thinking a lot about how I want this work to be and look and therefore have been waiting and brainstorming before posting, but I have a few chapters already finished and just needing to be looked over and revised.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Chapter 4</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Two days later, after weeks of being poked and prodded, Allie’s wedding dress was almost ready. Sam had left late the evening before, reassuring her that he would be back before the wedding. The wedding. The wedding was in 17 days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As her ladies, Becca and Gwen talked quietly behind Allie as the seamstress made the last arrangements to her dress, Allie gazing out the window. A small ruffle was made behind her, followed by a small gasp. Allie turned around</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Alexandra, you look beautiful my flower. The dress simply makes you look like a dream,” Allie’s mother was practically fainting at the sight of her daughter. Allie turned around and was met not with one pair of eyes as she expected, but two, Cassandra in tow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you mother, Marie did a wonderful job didn’t she?” Allie asked, giving Cassandra a pointed look. Marie smiled at Allie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As always, Marie has outdone herself, but it is important to remember that you, my dear, are what makes this dress simply breathtaking. I cannot believe that my Alexandra is getting married!” Allie could not hold anything against her mother, she, no doubt, had no part in her father’s lies and schemes. Her mother was not to blame for this treachery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Mama, how kind”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My star I am so excited for you, you will be such a beautiful bride.” Allie smiled at her mom, and then turned towards her sister, looking back out the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would everyone give Cassandra and me a moment to speak?” At the sound of her name, Cassandra’s head shot up. Allie’s ladies and mother, along with Marie all nodded, and left the room with soft, “yes Madam” and “Why of course”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie waited until the door was closed before she looked at Cassandra, who was simply staring at her sister. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother demanded that I should see you in your dress, she knew that Marie would have it almost finished by now,” Cassandra said, looking down at her feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Name one person who has been on your side through all of this more than me,” Allie said, voice strong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What” Cassandra was looking back at Allie. Since when did Cassandra look so pale, the purple under her eyes making Allie feel a rush of guilt straight to her heart. The second it came, Allie pushed it away, for once her sister was feeling hurt over her foolishness, perhaps she deserved it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Answer the question” Allie was breathing hard now, her eyes stinging. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cassandra looked away, blinking several times she looked down. “I... I don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie paused, “You left me in the dark”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allie” Cassandra stepped towards her sister; Allie nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie’s eyes gleamed with unshed tears she had been holding back, “Who’s been there for you more than me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cassandra shook her head, “No one. There’s no one,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie smiled grimly, looking at her sister, “Then what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s . . . not . . .” Cassandra stumbled on her wording, “It’s politics, I was just. I was trying to be smart”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does that mean, Cassandra?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To everyone else, we’re like, the same person, or something. But to father, we are too different, so, if I had told you, then it would be like... Like I disagreed with him. With father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cow-Slaver! We are not opposite people, not to anyone. And if you truly thought that, then why didn’t you at least talk to me about it first instead of having me find out the day of?” Tears were rolling down Allie’s cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I should’ve done that”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t tell me because neither you nor Papa thinks I belong”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allie. . .” Cassandra started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I had to pick anyone in the world to be with me when things got bad, I’d pick you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cassandra leaned towards her sister, reaching for her, “And I would pick you,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie looked her sister up and down, “Obviously not”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allie”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leave”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But. . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another tear rolled down Allie’s cheek, “If you don’t think I belong - if you wouldn’t choose me over yourself,” she took a shuddering breath, “if you see me as someone next to no importance, then that is what you are to me. Now, leave!” Cassandra looked down, tears in her eyes, and left her sister. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cassandra took a deep breath like she had the air taken right from her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. Her heart felt as though it was going to break through her chest, ripping her from the inside out. She had to get help, call her ladies or guards, had to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled herself out of her bed, landing on her side with a “thud”, and dragged herself from her bed chambers to the beautiful halls of Thame’s most esteemed royal palace, she started saying her sister’s name, her door just a few meters away from where Cassie was. The edges of her vision were dark, but she continued pulling herself. To get to someone. Someone. Someone to tell Allie that she loved her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> She looked up and saw a bright star. She was there, Cassandra’s bright star, Cassandra’s person. Then it all went black. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cassandra,” Allie said warily, quickly running over to her door. “Cassie what’s wrong,” Cassandra didn’t respond. Allie hadn’t been able to go to sleep, wondering whether or not she should go talk to her sister, but when she was merely steps away from her door she heard a mumbling, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her body went into action, the adrenaline taking over. Cassandra was lying on her side facing away from Allie, and by the time Allie finally made it out of her rooms to her sister, Cassandra was shaking. Allie turned her over, “Cassie what’s wrong?” Cassandra’s eyes were open, her breathing shaky. She looked as though someone had powdered her face with the flower from the kitchens. The only color on her face was the blue under her eyes. How long had those bags been there? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cassie, please look at me. Keep your eyes open,” Allie was frantic, shaking Cassandra’s head from side to side, “Cassandra. Help! Help! Someone,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cassandra took a shuddering breath looking at Allie, “I would pick you” another, slow, agonizing breath, “I will always pick you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie was screaming, she heard a noise around her, coming from both sides of the halls, but all she saw was her sister, looking at her, with a small smile on her lips, “I’d pick you to Cassie, I’ll always pick you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cassandra’s smile widened, her hands reached for Allie’s face, “It’s okay Al, I’m okay” and closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie grabbed Cassandra with shaking arms, pulling her flush against her body, shaking her sister as though she was asleep. Screaming, crying, and then she felt a tug on her shoulder, as her father ripped Cassie from Allie’s arms and held his head against her chest. Her mother was on the ground, sobbing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie sat and watched as her parents realized their favorite daughter was dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard a screaming when he was outside of King Edward’s library, him and his father looking at each other. Heard the shuffling and yelling, and how it came from all over the castle. His father barrelled into him running towards what Harry knew to be the Princesses' quarters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran faster than his father, being 19, but did not feel his father’s absence. Something was wrong, he felt it- and then he saw her. Or, saw them. He was one of the first people there. Guards and servants looking at each other, not knowing what to do. He looked for that head of blonde hair, the lion’s mane as he’d once proclaimed as an eight-year-old, and saw her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was shaking her sister, screaming at her, crying. And then the King and the Queen arrived, running faster than he’d ever seen anyone. Harry watched as Allie’s father threw her aside to tend to Cassandra. Watched as Allie’s face set, hard as stone. Watched as the King ordered everyone to leave. Watched and watched and watched, until his father, after what seemed like an eternity, pulled Harry along with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was able to get one last look at her, she put herself against her door, and looked as though she too, might just stop breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was waiting outside of Cassandra’s rooms, sitting next to the door, while staring at nothing. Her mother was crying, her father pacing and cursing at why God had to take another one of his children. Half of the staff was there, waiting, wondering what had happened to their future queen. Through the commotion and noise, Harry and his parents were also outside of Cassandra’s rooms. Allie was still in her nightdress, her hair everywhere, and her feet turning blue. She didn’t feel any of it. It was like she was out of her body, the world was passing by so slow yet so fast, she could hear and see everything and yet nothing. It wasn’t until she felt a robe be laid over her shoulders did she snap out of it. When she looked up she saw Harry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you mind if I sit next to you?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only indication she gave him was her looking back at the wall across from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t say anything, only took her hand when it had begun shaking. Allie looked over at Harry, but it was as if she saw through him, “I told her she was next to no importance” Allie choked up, blinking away her tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shook his head, “You couldn’t have known, Allie. You couldn’t have read her mind, you know that”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should’ve sensed it. I should’ve-” Allie interrupted herself. “I told her to leave, that since she didn’t pick me, she needed to leave me alone,” a tear ran down Allie’s cheek, “and now she’s dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next two days were torture for Allie, they seemed to go by in a blur yet each second was excruciating. The first few hours after the royal doctor was called and guards picked up Cassandra to lay her one more time in her bed, Allie just stared at the corridor between her and her sister’s rooms. There had been, at most, five meters, if that, between them, separating Allie and Cassandra her entire life, and now the distance between them was insurmountable. Eventually, her ladies used enough force on her to move from her spot on the floor and made her bathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hours upon hours of waiting it seemed, for the inevitable to be realized by the court, by the world. She was next in line to the Thame throne. How long would her father wait before replacing her; replacing her sister officially? How long until the world forgot that Allie was not the only Pressman daughter, but rather the second, less beautiful, less kind, less just daughter? How long would people forget about Cassandra?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time merged and moved as though it was a living thing, and the next thing Allie knew, her sister was buried, next to her grandfather, and aunt. Next to a tiny coffin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The look her father gave her after they had buried her wonderful, exuberant sister told her just what she was thinking; she was at fault for this. Again, this was her fault. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Everything was wrong, it felt as though the land under Allie’s feet didn’t just shift, but in reality, simply disappeared. She was alone. For the first time in her life, she was alone. No amount of jewels or sorrowful looks could change that. Her sister was dead, and what she left behind was something almost as unbearable and certainly just as real. She was leaving Thame forever; everything she had ever known, and she couldn’t stop it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now she was getting married.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry wasn’t unbearable, in fact, at times in the past few weeks, he seemed to be the only one other than Sam and her ladies who cared enough to listen to her. To ask her questions. To look at her as anything other than a second choice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now, she realized, she was the only choice. Cassandra was gone, and now, Allie was the only choice. She no longer was being compared to her sister, because her sister was gone. Allie was the only choice anyone had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry told her that he preferred her over Cassandra, but what did that truly mean? They had a rivalry, she remembers, from past balls and coronations. Cassandra always looked at Harry as though he were beneath him, and in turn, Harry showed her sister how little she affected him. He had looked at her as though she were insane. As though Cassandra had no power. And her sister did not like that. Allie remembers looking at the beautiful dresses and cakes and flowers. Saw how beautiful the ladies at court looked. She once longed to be one of them. A lady. Someone who, like her sister, was beautiful and graceful. But who’s opinion mattered. Someone who was of importance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to matter, that’s it. That’s all that she saw when she went to court. When she went to weddings and balls and coronations. She saw people who had power, and she wanted it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t sure anymore. She wasn’t sure why it seemed as though Cassandra saw power as a stepping stone. She wasn’t sure why it looked like Cassandra was seeking something more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked like a ghost of the woman he had grown to know. Her eyes, once a deep blue, looked empty, tired, as though when Cassandra died, a part of Allie died as well. The life in her, something that she seemed to radiate, halted. As though Allie herself was treading water, just waiting to get to the other side, wading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been keeping an eye on her. She once flowed through the gardens, now her ladies had to seemingly drag her through them. She looked empty, he realized. The joy she sent around the world, gone, now a dull light, instead of a blazing one. A candle in comparison to the sun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was walking in the west garden the day after Cassandra’s funeral. The court of Thame was filled with too many people, too many strangers, too many. She had been dead for three days, and people seemed to find it suitable to talk to him about his upcoming wedding to her sister. After another nobleman asked Harry about Eilwhine and their future princess, Harry left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed Allie had left before he did, presumably being asked how she felt about her upcoming marriage. Their upcoming marriage. Fuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard the scraping from just beyond the outermost trees, his curiosity getting the better of him. He followed it, and found a sniffling Allie with a small blade, sawing through her sister’s tree. Sawing her sister’s name in half, crossing it out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tensed at the sight. Allie, still in black, silently crying while she submitted to the truth, while she showed acceptance of the fact that her sister was gone. Allie did not hear him, did not even hint that she sensed another witnessing what she was doing. She did not know that she was not alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexandra,” Harry said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that, she stopped her motion, flinching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I. . . are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie began sawing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allie?” He started walking towards her, her sawing becoming quick, her breathing delayed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made it a mere two meters away when he noticed the blood on the hilt of the knife. Her eyes were glazed over, far away. Her back, rigid with what seemed to be panic, no, terror. Her breathing was labored, as though no air was entering her lungs at all. He knew that look, that sound, he felt it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry finally reached her, grabbing the hand that was gripping the tree, “Allie-” she didn’t look at him. Her hand was sweating, her entire body shaking, but her eyes did not leave the name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He said her name again, reaching for her right hand this time, “Allie” he said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up at that, the same panic and sadness in her eyes. She stepped back from the tree, away from Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached for her again, “Princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her head was spinning, her eyes unfocused. She felt like the air had been ripped from her lungs. Like she had been underwater for far too long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was never going to be able to breathe again. She was going to die, she was dying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie let out a choked sob, her bloody right hand reaching behind her neck, the left one on her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was going to die like Cassandra. She was going to die and no one would miss her and there would be mourners at her funeral. The people of Thame would not lay flowers out on their doorsteps and wear black. No one would want to take her place. Her father was going to finally get what he wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything was starting to get darker, the sky spinning. Why wasn’t it raining? It should be raining? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was spiraling. The knife on the grass with her blood on it mere feet away from where she was standing looking at the sky with one hand on her chest and the other on her neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was getting worse, her breathing more ragged, her chest rising and falling in short increments. She was stumbling, mumbling to herself about flowers and funerals. He needed to step in. He needed to help her, and yet he had no idea how. So he did what first came to mind, grab her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allie, it’s okay. Allie. Look at me, no not at the tree. Allie. Look at me. Me.” She kept pulling back, looking at the sky or the tree behind him. She was sinking to her knees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went down with her willingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhhh, look Allie. You’re okay. It’s okay, um” she still wouldn’t look at him. He continued talking to her though, “Let’s see, I have seen how many books you can read, and I do hope that they are not all romances. Do tell, what fills that beautiful head of yours other than masterful schemes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She finally looked at him. Shaking her head, stuttering, “I... I can’t... um...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry relaxed some at that, “Well, I suppose I will have to go first,” he smirked at her, “I do enjoy, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, but, I saw what you were reading when you first showed me the gardens, and I had a servant fetch it. I find it rather entertaining, perhaps you remember. What was it called again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breathing was still ragged, but she was looking at him, “I think. . . I. . . It is one of my favorites” he was taking even breaths, as though to trick her into doing the same. It was working.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The. . . The Female” another breath, “The Female Quixote” another, “I love that one. I . . . I believe that. . .” another “I believe that the main character is . . . is very” and another “relatable”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s hands were still on either side of her face, soothing her in soft strokes, “Do you have any other favorites, Alexandra?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breathing was slowing down, the tears stopping seemingly altogether, “Tom Jones,” her shaking slowing down as well, “though I do believe that the story of Jenny is altogether the most enticing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry pulled his hands from her face, finally sitting down after what felt like hours in a crouched position. Allie leaned back as well, her hands falling behind her. Within mere seconds she looked down at her hand, seeing the blood clotting there, and furrowed her brows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laid next to each other in silence for what felt like hours, listening to the cool autumn breeze as it passed through the branches of the willows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The feeling of panic and dread that once filled Allie was now a gaping hole in the shape of Cassandra. She could feel the weight of grief and pain filling that space, but before it could grab hold of her, Allie said, “We would climb these trees, Cassandra and I. We would leave our tutors and come out here. It was the only time when we were young that we could be alone. No maids or Ladies. Just us two.” Harry didn’t say anything, the only indication that he was listening being a slight tilt of his head towards her. “My sister, Cassandra, was good. She was a good person. Um. . . she and our father worked closely together training for her to one day take the throne. You did not want to argue with her” she took a shaky breath, sitting up. “I don’t understand. She was here. She was laughing and talking and breathing and so unmistakably alive. And now she’s not. And I... I feel as though the world has stopped, and everyone else around me is pretending as though Cassandra was no one to them. They are pretending as though I should not waste any tears on her. But she is gone and I am not. She is in the ground and I am laying on top of it. She is dead and I still breathe. How” she made a choked sound and shook her head. Clearing her voice she started, “How am I supposed to live when a piece of my heart has been ripped from my chest?” she paused “How am I supposed to breathe when the last time the air fully went into my lungs was when my sister was dying? Harry, how am I supposed to get married and move to a new kingdom when mine is in shambles because there are no longer any heirs to take the throne? How do I do” she motioned between them, “this without her help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry was looking at her, his jaw set. He looked like he was waiting for her to hit him, or to crumble down, but she wouldn’t do either of those things, because the one thing that Cassie made sure Allie learned was when to break. He nodded his head, as though he were having a conversation with himself. As though he were battling two ideas against one another. He stood, keeping a safe distance away from her, but still close enough to where she did not feel like there was a large distance between the two. “I don’t have an answer for you. I don’t know how you feel. I don’t know anything Allie. But I do know that this is not your fault. This, Cassandra, was not your fault. And who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks because I don’t know what to do either Allie. You’re not alone in that. I don’t know what to say to you, or to those asses who believe it’s an appropriate time to congratulate us on our upcoming wedding. I don’t know how to look at you, or talk to you, or think of you. No one is coaching me, Allie. But this isn’t your fault. You didn’t do this, and the rational part of you knows that you know that Allie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just looked at him, that same faraway look in her eyes. As though he wasn’t there, as though she was looking through him. She looked over his shoulder, her cheeks becoming redder and redder by the second. She looked rather beautiful when she did that. Blushed. She looked like a girl, not a woman who was bound to rule a kingdom, but a girl. He turned away at that thought, looking over his shoulder to see what made Allie look as though someone doused her face in rouge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie’s cousin, the one with the red hair, Sam, was walking towards them now, pale in the face. That seemed to make Allie sober up. Harry as well. He leaped over to her, making her start, picking up the knife to where it was still lying on the grass, then turned to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam finally made his way to them just in time for Harry to help Allie up, Allie dusting off her dress nonchalantly, that same faraway look on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I apologize cousin. Your highness” Sam bowed slightly toward both of them,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>acknowledging them separately, “but it seems as though the King and Queen of Thame, as well as the King and Queen of Eilwhine, request both of your acquaintance.” He seemed anxious, as though he were hiding something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Allie cleared her throat next to him, “Yes, well,” she turned toward Harry, “shall we go, Harrison?” She was breathing evenly, but her eyes were pleading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Princess, we shall” He nodded to her, putting all he wanted to say in that one look. </span>
</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own the society or any of these characters, nor do I own any of the creative work of Little women.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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